No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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