Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
