He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
