I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
