new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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