three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
