Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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