I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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