I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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