i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
