everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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