when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
