I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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