I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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