how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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