Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
