why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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