And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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