Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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