he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
