No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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