I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
