Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
