I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
