rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
