The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
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rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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