My underwear smells like fireworks.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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