I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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