My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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