I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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