You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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