dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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