Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize