nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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