he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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