Need sex. Gaining weight.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Randomize
