all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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