i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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