I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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