I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
