I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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