Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I didn't notice because vodka
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
