he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
