Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
