I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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