I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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