I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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