i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
This baby is an asshole
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
