he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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