Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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