Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
