And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
