is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
