I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
