The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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