I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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