I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
