Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
