dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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